Aurelia...Chrysalis Emerging

Haiku in the Himalayas

2010-02-18T23:46:00.000-08:00

The start of Losar (Tibetan New Year) coincided with Valentine's Day...and the fact that I am getting myself mentally and emotionally prepped for leaving the only place on the planet that has felt like home in the past 2 decades or so (I found my heart's home in a place more foreign than home in almost every way imaginable. And the things I have been thinking and feeling in the past 10 days or so have brought on the writing of haiku.)...has prompted the recent writing of a few dozen haiku...

Haiku fit for various reasons...

Haiku expresses this Himalayan-foothills, Buddhist experience best, not least because sometimes a message must be cut down to the most basic terms to make it clearly understandable, and the short structure and mental leaps of haiku seemed most fitting.

Here are a few samples:

Prayer wheels spin.
The chanting of mantras
Pierces my soul.

Looking at the stars
I slowly count prayer beads
As the Buddha laughs

I count out prayer beads
Om Mani Padme Hum and
Walk off in silence.

Laughing Buddhas
What mysteries do you hold?
A mumbled mantra.

As with the "old days", when I wrote angst-driven free verse, it is the pain, sorrow and empty longing of impossible love and leavings that is spurring me on...

Moving From Idea to Story

2009-09-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

Themes and fragments and pulses of emotion have been running through me the past few days.

Trail Ridge Road, and hence the store where I work, has been closed due to ice and snow above 10,500 ft since Sunday night, giving me plenty of "free" time to work on things which matter to me.

At first this meant promoting my travel and landscape photography, which you can learn more about at Art on the Edge.

Then I fooled around watching old episodes of LOST on netflix, mainly getting a visual fix on my last great obsession, "Desmond" (Henry Ian Cusick).

I also made a few necklace designs for CrypticFragments etsy (where, by the way, a massive sale is in effect til October 11, 2009).

Finally, after reading bits and pieces in various books recently discovered at Estes Park library, being inspired by connections on twitter, and remembering that it's ok to not be perfect, I began jotting notes.

I felt something moving closer...a vague but persistent feeling.

A story is being born.

I now have my two main characters in the process of being fleshed-out, awaiting their naming.

I have a basic idea of what each of them wants.

A very basic idea of the setting...though not yet a geographical location.

I know quite a bit of the backstory, as it comes from another manuscript written in what feels like another lifetime.

And now, my friends, comes the true test...forming scenes, putting actual words on the page.

And the inevitable questions:

Do I write longhand, as I always used to, or try to work on the computer?

Should I write "off the top of my head" or wait til things are fully formed in my minds' eye?

Can I overcome my doubt and fear and 4 years of writers block?

Can I actually WRITE again instead of thinking about it and wishing for it?

How bad do I really want this?

Some Kind of BreakThrough

2009-09-21T05:15:00.000-07:00

I woke at 5:20am today, anxious to see the weather, hoping for a snow closure of the mountain road to give me a day (or two) off work. I'm weary. It's the end of our season.

Blissfully, at the moment (6:17am) Trail Ridge Road remains closed due to snow conditions with an additional 6-10" forecast up top by Tuesday evening!

Assuming the store stays closed (can't see how they'll open road with THAT forecast), the rest of the crew (aged 21 and above) are planning a trip to a casino.

But not I!

I intend to stay home, watch the snow from a few miles away, and spend most of the day enjoying a newfound creative freedom.

My breakthrough this morning, while it may seem trivial to some, is both an enormous relief and a great hurdle overcome for me.

I have long been a victim of reality.

By this, I mean, that when writing about a place which actually exists, I have not been able to take any creative license with it. I've been chained to accuracy via maps, describing images of actual sights, and so forth in attempt to bring the setting to life.

However, this has hindered me in that, if I do not know loads of specific details about a place, I cannot write about it.

And if something does not actually exist in a place, I couldn't put it there in my fiction.

Until today!

Today, there will be houseboats in a place where none actually exist in the "real world". Either I will write a disclaimer saying I have taken liberties with the physical environment, or I will allow for the possibility that someone will say, "Hey, there are no houseboats in _______."

And that's ok with me.

Freedom!

New Goals

2009-08-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

I want to try to start writing again...again. Life seems determined to keep me from this pursuit, but I am making a resolution to attempt one page, or at least 350 typed words, per day.

As of this entry I do not have any specific projects in mind.
Should I do fiction? Non-fiction? Travelogue of my upcoming India trip?
Does scrawling lines of ideas, possible sentences, character details, etc count towards a word or page goal?

As of right now, I really have no idea what I want to write about. My mind has not been clear and my emotions are a jumble, so I'm not going to be too hard on myself.

As long as I get a page of "something" done on a daily basis, at this stage I will consider that progress. I can get more serious after two weeks or so of that.
I'll "up the ante" after that time, so to speak.

Poetry Slam...

2009-07-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

One of my co-workers recently suggested to a group of us at Xanterra RMNP that we hold a poetry slam on Tuesday night.
I have never read my poetry aloud...but this may be the perfect first time.
I think the impromptu plan is to have a bonfire and possibly some music (a lot of our co-workers are musicians), and some of us will read/recite.

I now have to select a few potential pieces to read! I am thinking of Natalie G., 1986, In Memoriam: Van Gogh and the like.

You can view these and other poems from the past two decades at CrypticFragments Poetry.

Long Awaited "Demi~Poems"

2009-05-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

I have finally decided to go ahead and pot these on the blog with a copyright notice in plain view and so on and so forth, and hope that if the day ever comes when I am ready to begin submitting again in earnest, having appeared previously online will not entirely disqualify my work from being considered (I know Poetry magazine will not consider anything published online, for one).

Demi~poems are not meant to be complete, nor are all of them even in "poem" form. I say anything which has a sense of poetry or flow to it, which is emotionally evocative, etc, can be poetry. Demi~poems are poems of my life...poems which spring into being when one phrase flows into another.
Each line of a demi~poem (as I compose them) may begin with or contain the same word as a "flash point".

The following works are the creation of Tammy Winand and may not be copied, reprinted, redistributed or otherwise reused without her express written consent. You may contact her through this blog if you iwsh to quote or re-print any of her work.
Thank you for obeying the law!

Without further ado...Three Demi~Poems

(untitled demi~poem 1, April 2009)
"Fire gates
Golden Gates
Black Gates
Gates of Hell
Lost Gates
Arched Gates
The Pearly Gates"

("The Mysteries of Life" demi~poem 2, April 2009)
Myaterious countries
Mysterious cities
Mysterious castles
Mysterious cathedrals
Mysterious villages
Mysterious homes,
Mysterious neighbors,
Mysterious strangers
Mysterious lovers
Mysterious meals
Mysterious meanings
Mysterious wars
Mysterious Endings

("The Lure of Gold" demi~poem April 2009)
A golden dawn
Golden minarets
Golden spires
Golden towers
Golden sunsets
Golden dreams
Golden skin
Is Gold a Sin?"

Whether you enjoy them, or like the form (or not)...I hope they in some way moved you or made you think.

As always, your comments are welcome.

New poetry in other forms forth-coming...but please see Just Real Life regarding my new new relocation and lack of online time for the forseeable future!
Thank you

Sunday May 9, 2009...Checking In

2009-05-09T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start by admitting I've been feeling lazy and sorry for myself.
Besides the Morning Pages (which get done roughly 3 times/week) and the idea/fragment notebook (which I think I mentioned in the previous entry), I have not been writing, nor have I felt like writing.
In fact, I have not felt very much like doing anything at all...except explore my new environment in Denver, CO (read about this at Just Real Life)

I am tired...not just in body but in soul. With the exception of the two days I spent at the fabulous "LoDo" Tattered Cover Bookstore and the 45 minutes I sat in the sun with my feet in the South Platte River, I have just felt...exhausted.
I have blamed it on allergies. I could also blame it on change of sleep cycle/duration, possible illness, depression or anxiety (despite the increased dosages of both my meds)...etc etc

Maybe the truth is I just do not want to have to do anything.
I am trying so hard to accept and be positive about the impending move to Estes and my job at RMNP. Trying to affirm and visualize...
Sometimes it works for a few hours. Sometimes I even have several upswing days where I feel full of energy and creativity.

But an online discussion w/ a fellow writer today made me realize...I really do NOT want to do the work of writing. In fact it makes me shudder and feel a bit sick. That makes me sad. But there is no fire, no desire.
At least, not on the surface, perhaps only in buried nearly extinguished embers.

I KNOW I can write. I KNOW I write well. I have so many ideas.
But I do not have the strength, focus, or emotional energy to DO the work right now.

I am still trying to heal on so many levels. Perhaps someday this will propel my writing. I want to share a few of what I call "demi~poems", poetic fragments, not intended to be "great" or even "good", certainly not intended for publication.
But maybe putting them out there and possibly receiving some feedback would be a positive experience.

(to be cont'd...)

WIPS

2009-04-05T13:32:00.000-07:00

The writers idea notebook I started a few weeks ago has finally yielded the beginnings of 2 actual stories w/ plot sketches for a few others.

I am a whopping 6 paragraphs into the first draft of my latest effort...and anywhere btwn 1-3 paragraphs into a few others.
I have also been "playing" w/ some of my old characters, trying to see if they really want their stories to be told.
For those who don't follow me at twitter, the reason for this is because all of my manuscripts (from 1989 til 2004) were written long hand and are in storage in either PA or FL.
I am currently in AZ.
In 15 days I am moving to CO.
So, although I remember the plots of most of them fairly well, I do not remember exact phrases, and some of them were (if I have to say so myself) absolutely brilliant, and I do not want to lose them.
Perhaps I just don't trust myself yet to start from scratch. I have been silent so long...
Or maybe I have trouble believing the stories can be salvaged?

Whatever the case, at least I am finally working again after several years of silence.
And thank heavens I am building my support community, at least online, through the #writechat at twitter.

In case you do NOT yet follow me there, my direct link is CrypticFragment.

Working in Silence

2009-04-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

It was long past time to drop in here and remind you all that just because I am not blogging does NOT mean I am not writing, working on ideas, etc.
I have been living in a remote location in northern AZ (a few miles outside Grand Canyon village)...there is no internet at our home nor even any cell phone reception. I have to travel 8 miles on a slow tourist bus just to reach the nearest WiFi/phone!

In the interim I have written one poem, submitted another (finally!), and honed a second draft of a short story which is nearly ready to go out into the world on its own merits, as well.

I have started a "writing~only" journal/notebook filled w/ ideas, fragments of outstanding prose/great sentences, and title ideas (for years I've been saying I am going to publish a book of nothing but great title ideas for others to adopt!)

I am doing a few exercises regarding "interviewing" old characters asking if they need to say anything else (as their stories remain in storage notebooks in 3 different states)...

So things are moving, despite hard times in my personal life.
I have a terminally ill relative whose been given less than 6 mos. to live who I will probably never see again due to finances as he lives quite far away, and also because he does not want to discuss his illness but has chosen to live life as fully as possible in the time he has left.

On top of this, I will be moving to Denver in 3 weeks for a one month "scouting" expedition prior to starting my seasonal job at Rocky Mtn National Park (Estes Park, CO), which will run from late May til late October. If the month in Denver goes well, my plan is to relocate there "permanently"...which for me means longer than a full year, hopefully longer!

As always I am most interested in hearing from/networking with other authors of fiction, poetry and creative non-fiction.
A strong network helps everyone!

Ain't That Peculiar...

2009-02-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

Last night, moments before I turned out the light for the day, I wrote.
I wrote about 350 words...by prompting myself with a writing "play~ercize" (tricked the mind into not thinking of it as work) using any two characters from manuscripts written over the past 20 years, writing as if they had parted ways and were meeting years into the future.
Oddly, I did not choose the two I originally thought I would, or to whom I thought I felt most attached.

For about five paragraphs (my paragraphs tend to be fairly short), the writing flowed, as if some part of my mind had been working on this idea even though consciously I had not thought about that manuscript in years.
Then, for about three paragraphs, it became "work". I struggled to figure out what was happening on the page, and felt awkward, like I was just putting down anything I could to move the scene from "here" to "there".
The last 100 words or so, when I got to the part about which I truly wanted to write, were easy.

This made me think back over my entire writing life. I have always had "issues" writing parts of any story that were necessary but which I really didn't care about.
Transition scenes...back story...BLAH.
But these are integral portions of the equation, no?
Maybe I quit writing because I didn't (don't) love the difficult parts of the process.
Is it possible to tell a story without including those bits?
Hmmm...

Well, as mentioned yesterday, if the kind of writing I saw published recently is any indication, it's really possible to (clearing throat) succeed without telling any story at all!
(apologies to the author: I am sure it is a story, & your descriptive skills are spectacular, but...what on earth did it MEAN? Where was the plot? Where was the conflict?)

I like the idea of random descriptions of time & place without much deep character detail or interaction. Getting characters to interact "properly" has always been a struggle for me (maybe because I don't have many social skills myself?). Moving characters between scenes has always tripped me up. And trying to define and include "active" conflict! Sheesh! Forget it!

Bottom line. I think what I am trying to say here is that maybe there is hope, after all.
If I can come up with characters I care about (whether I "steal" them from my own old manuscripts or find new ones), give them something to do & a place to do it, and experiment with "mechanics"...
Maybe, just maybe, I can be a writer, again.

checking in with myself

2009-02-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

I just pulled the following fragment from the post I made right in this very blog on

"(following paragraph copied from Just Real Life blog)
I wrote 3 poems (being revised), 1 short story (also heading into 2nd draft), numerous pieces of prose which may become essays (one nearly complete), and snippets of dozens of ideas/notes/titles etc which may or may not evolve further.
...
All this has left me DRAINED.

One of my "resolutions" for 2009 is to continue reading/feeding my brain with good poetry, essays, etc in order to be able to keep producing my own writings, and to discipline myself to actually refine and submit my new pieces until I get published for pay!
I know my writing is worthy of appearing in print, and that my work is valuable (in exchange for $). The next step is just a matter of perseverance."

I have not kept my word to myself. I have not continued to feed my brain with literature of ANY kind, really. My daily intake of words comes from twitter conversations, wikipedia articles, art blogs and very occasionally my own handwritten journals.

Today I made an attempt to read. I found a short story by Catherine M. Valente online. While I liked every description I have read ABOUT her work, if this story was any indication, I am not going to read any more of it.
Not that it was not well-written. If nothing else, it was highly creative.
However, I could make absolutely no sense of it...could not find plot or conflict, had trouble following her bizarre turns of phrase.
I was left with that "oh no" sensation which has hit periodically over the years...that if THAT is what it means to be a writer, I am never going to succeed.

I made an interesting observation today as I jotted notes in my pen and ink journal. The gist of it:
In jr & sr high school I read lots of sci-fi/fantasy & Gothic romances, & that is what I wrote.
In high school & college I read loads of poetry & stories of the supernatural, & that is what I wrote.
Since 2000 (roughly speaking), I have read very little...&I have written very little!

Clearly the key here is to find something to feed my muse. What will do the trick remains to be seen. I am so damn fussy these days. Nothing holds my interest beyond a few paragraphs. I either hate the writing style or do not find the subject engaging enough.

Well, once again I teeter on the brink of massive change.
Any of you familiar with my other blogs will know I am relocating to a remote location with no phone or internet service as of next week (weather permitting) and will probably not be back online til early March. Starting in March my check ins may be intermittent, once or twice a week at best.
Depending on my work situation, I will be fully re-connected here by about May 20th.
But work schedule may make it difficult to keep up with all 3 of my blogs, 11 Zazzle galleries, my etsy jewelry shop, and so forth.

I will post any changes or updates as I have them.

In the meantime, I hope to make writing of some kind a daily "practice" again...and apologies if this becomes repetitious! I tend to think "out loud".

What IS "Writers Block"?

2009-02-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

That might sound like a dense question. After all, everyone knows that writer's block is simply what happens when a writer can't think of any good ideas to write about or get motivated to write.
Right?
But seriously...continuing in the vein of my last post, let's go deeper.

What is writer's block?
What CAUSES it?
Is it ALWAYS "curable", or can a writer hit a block from which they never recover?

I would like you to please respond to the following, whether for your own benefit, or for mine.

*How do you personally define writer's block?
*Have you ever experienced it? If so, how often? For how long?
*What steps do you personally take to move past/through a serious block?

I have read, so many times, that a writer is one who loves writing, and loves reading. With that in mind, just a few more questions:

*What if writing is no longer enjoyable? What would you do to re-infuse joy into it?
*What would you do if you had a "real" inability to concentrate on reading for more than a few paragraphs?
*What if you were unable to find any reading material of interest to you?

Your feedback is very important to me. I sincerely hope you will take a few minutes to respond to the above questions in the comments section.
Thank you!

I Feel Lost

2009-02-05T11:58:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, I was a writer. I wrote story after story and poem after poem. I wrote in my journal daily.
And I loved to read...sci fi/fantasy,Gothic romance,historical drama, slice of life type experimental novels.
But something happened. I often blame it on the internet, because right about the same time I became dependent upon message boards for my social life (while living in a shelter after leaving my abuser), I stopped reading. Then I stopped writing.

Words abandoned me...and I them.

The last time I wrote anything beyond a few paragraphs (ok maybe a few pages) was the summer I lived at Madeira Beach, on the FL Gulf coast. It was my most ambitious project to date, and I knew it was going to be my break through manuscript. However, in rapid succession I lost my job which paid for the apartment I was renting, and within weeks had to move back in with friends in Orlando.
Somehow in that move, the project, with the exception of a few pages of notes & research materials, was lost.

That happened in the autumn of 2005. I have never had the energy or drive to write since. Yes, I have tried. I have jotted down pages of great story ideas, titles, character names, even occasionally brilliant scraps of prose. But nothing seems to work for me, anymore.
And worse still, nothing MATTERS, and writing is no longer enjoyable.

I wonder if I would feel differently if I felt safe, stable, secure. If I had a home, if I knew all my bills would be paid, if I knew I was safe.
Or maybe, as my life coach says, if I knew I could not fail.

People like my writing. I am good at it. I often get encouragement to try again, or comments on my poetry
or confused questions as to why I quit.

Sometimes I feel like I SHOULD be a writer again, and then a wave of frustration hits because I do not really understand what has happened to the writer in me.
Did I ever really love it? I must have. It was an integral part of me from 4th grade until I was in my early 30s.
I even wrote while I was living with my abuser, for heaven's sake!

I look for places to place blame...could it be ADHD? PTSD? anxiety? simple fear of failure? of success?
Is it because I fear losing another masterpiece? of not having storage space for my manuscripts in progress as I flip flop back and forth across the country in search of a home?

These days when I think of writing it is usually no longer in terms of feeling like I could pen the next best-seller, but more often in smaller chunks, like perhaps a sparkling essay describing the ruins of some once-great culture.
Metaphorical, perhaps.

I do not know whether I will ever "be a writer" again. Sometimes I really miss it. Other times I am apathetic.

Mostly I just feel lost.

A poem written last week

2009-01-30T08:41:00.000-08:00

Insomniac Train Poem

If we were in a field
In the middle of the night
In the middle of nowhere
Perhaps then we could tell
Which direction the trains
Were coming from.
Instead they blind side us
Their warning whistles
Bouncing off bars and businesses
Screaming through the darkness
Mocking silence and sleep.

4:20am 21 January, 2009
copyright Tammy Winand
may not be reused or reprinted without the express written consent of the author

please contact me for further details

Ah, the Joy of Words, of Books

2009-01-02T13:58:00.000-08:00

I spent a fair amount of time at the Flagstaff City/Coconino County Library early this afternoon. My intent in going was two-fold:
1) to be inspired by the published words of other great minds,
and
2) to see if a handwritten envelope bearing my address qualified to get me a library card (as a new arrival in town).
Whilst the card application is still being processed, the primary mission was a smashing success, plus I purchased several back issues of Smithsonian and National Geographic magazines in the booksale, all of which contain imagery which will be incorporated into future collages (for more on my visual art please see Art on the Edge)

I discovered "The Religion of Hands", a 2005 title by Ray Gonzalez (University of Arizona Press) featuring "poetry and flash fictions" which made me smile and think. And then, while flipping through Nikki Giovanni's 2007 book "Acolytes" (HarperCollins), I found a quote which inspired me to put my pen to paper:

"Know who you are writing for and to...", Ms Giovanni writes, "It is important to know who you want to be proud of you."

My response was:
I write for myself, for my mother, for lost and broken souls everywhere. I write for the silent and voiceless. I write so ancient mysteries never die, so a poor child in a shelter might catch a glimpse of foreign shores. I write to remember, and as therapy for all I can't forget. I write to fight eveil and war, having heard "the pen is mightier than the sword."

Then I looked at a coffee table book of impossibly lush Mediterranean gardens and let my mind fill with dreams of white peacocks and wisteria, of ancient urns and over-grown arbors, the heady earthy scent of fig trees and ripe citrus on hillsides where the remains of medieval villages cling precariously.
All this time as I traveled in my mind, a Navajo man hovering behind me leaked strains of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" from his headset.

The following phrase spilled out from my pen:
How quaint to sit in the conservatory
with your afternoon tea,
and contemplate the garden,
or the quality of light on the sea."

From Peter Ackroyd's "Thames" came images of rising tides and flood barriers...

I take in words in great gulps, filter them, and spill them back, questioning whether this is "creativity".
And while I walked home through downtown Flagstaff, the descriptive scene below composed itself in my mind:
The day before the snow storm was warm.
Route 66 smelled like hotdogs
and melting snow.
Endless dirty freight trains
Criss-crossed the desert.
I have long been like these
restless trains, always moving on
Moving on.

Magnetic Poetry as Practice

2009-01-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

I re-discovered the online Magnetic Poetry kits today. It has been a few years since I used them. I half-remember un-bookmarking them because I found them "time wasters".
However, my new attitude is that if I can use them to create mini-poems or poem fragments that help get my mental gears spinning, then they are not entirely a waste of time.
So, I'd like to share these short, somewhat choppy but not entirely without merit pieces I composed using the "Artist" kit this morning:

Sample One
Angry angel
Like a drunk, off-balance
Every scream an empty echo,
And electric break.
No harmony,
Only wasted music
You appear to perform.
The rhythm comes
Undone.

Sample Two
Imagine
Raw, deep time
A white canvas
Waiting...
Surreal, absurd
You create some metaphor
For life.

Another Rebirth...

2008-12-31T18:24:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it is fitting that this new rebirth of my writing life should occur on the cusp between 2008-2009, and also that I am currently living on Phoenix Avenue trying to make a fresh start in most areas of my life..

This past week, after .much reading of "The New York Times Review of Books", I found myself scribbling madly in my pastel green composition book.
(following paragraph copied from Just Real Life blog)

I wrote 3 poems (being revised), 1 short story (also heading into 2nd draft), numerous pieces of prose which may become essays (one nearly complete), and snippets of dozens of ideas/notes/titles etc which may or may not evolve further.
I also made sketches for a series of 4 paintings inspired by Grand Canyon views, took about 50 photos of the canyon & surrounds, and came up w/at least one new series of Zazzle designs/
All this has left me DRAINED.

One of my "resolutions" for 2009 is to continue reading/feeding my brain with good poetry, essays, etc in order to be able to keep producing my own writings, and to discipline myself to actually refine and submit my new pieces until I get published for pay!
I know my writing is worthy of appearing in print, and that my work is valuable (in exchange for $). The next step is just a matter of perseverance.

So, dear readers, please leave me comments and reminders to help me press forward with this renewed goal!

And Happy 2009!

ummm..then again

2008-10-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

Sneaky sneaky life...

Philadelphia is out for the near future. College also.

No writing projects to speak of at the moment...

My life seems to be blowing in the wind. I am coming to hate planning because planning never seems to pan out.

An important thing to note, however...I actually feel almost HAPPY, right now. There is no pressure on me.
I report to my new job contract location on Election Day (I cast my vote in early voting... Go OBAMA)
I will be there through the end of May 2009. I will be by the sea, so perhaps that will inspire writing.

Perhaps it's time to put down the old stories I loved and try to do something completely different. Maybe being stuck in the past with my writing is no good.
Being stuck there musically...I am loving it! (come see how much at my internet radio station Radio GypsyGirl68 )

Ok just for fun, and to do something different...here are some "randoms" for you to answer in the comments if you like:
1) fave 80s band
2) fave 80s video
3) fave 80s song video not withstanding
4) how old were you when you had your first crush?
5) who was it? ;)
6) do you listen to all music eras? new only? old only?
7) why?

Looking forward to getting some interesting answers!

Taking Big Chances...

2008-09-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Some day I am actually going to write about all the no-budget cross-country relocations I have done. That is, if I am ever in one place long enough to complete a project!
lol

Yes, friends, I'm about to do it AGAIN. I am on the verge of booking my flight, intending to move from Florida to Philadelphia on October 27.
I am going with enough $ to cover 2 months rent and living expenses. Materially speaking, I am taking my cool weather clothing (plus a few t-shirts) and shoes, my toiletries, a few books, plus all my old manuscripts and new blank notebooks.
I have Couchsurfing hosts lined up for 3 weeks, during which time I need to find both work and an apartment!

ZOIKS!

It has been awhile since I moved with this little back-up. In recent years the fall-back was to have a job, even if seasonal, already lined up...which provided housing and at least part board.
Not this time.
This time I am on my own.
I am either going to fly or flounder.

So...what happens if I don't find work? My first response is...not finding work is not an option.
It may mean (god help me) taking restaurant work temporarily. It may mean having a temp holiday job at the mall.
I feel like I am building a good network through internet resources which will help me find some kind of income quickly...
On the down side, if I do not actually find work, I will be BROKE (literally, as in ZERO $$) by New Years and praying Philly has a good shelter system.

I just do not see any other option at this juncture. Barring unforeseen circumstances I will be buying my plane ticket no later than October 4th...

But sometimes this kind of desperation has created great adventures and real writing for me! I wrote a lot of manuscripts when I was living off ramen noodles and free rum at the beach...

New WIP, Creating w/Headaches, and more

2008-09-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on the screened porch behind the house tonite. No screaming kids behind the fence, for a change. No fighting cats, no sounds of squealing tires. In fact the only sound is that high pitched rapid insect sound I want to call crickets...but which just seems too rapid to be crickets.

I have been suffering frequent severe headaches recently. Not sure if they are a result of reducing caffeine intake, squinting at computer monitors, or something more insidious as I fear... Yesterday nosebleeds began accompanying the headaches, and pain in my jaw. I am getting more dizzy spells (these had stopped for awhile) and occasional numbness in my left hand.
I pray it's nothing serious and goes away of its own accord because heaven knows w/ no job and no insurance I certainly can't afford treatment.

Concentrating and creating when in severe pain is not easy. The symptoms have also made me very moody and short tempered lately.

At any rate... this evening I am listening to streaming radio from Iran...traditional Persian "sonati", most of which I truly enjoy!
It is also helping get me in the right mental frame for my new WIP.

SOG has begun to transform, or perhaps this story will completely replace SOG. It combines elements and characteristics of characters from previous projects set aside over the years.
Most of those manuscripts have "gone missing", or are in storage in the garage of a friend in another state.
I am still fleshing out the new characters' personalities and appearances... and still doing research on the setting, which is far away both geographically and in time.

Once I get those details sorted out, I will probably start doing what I call a "scene progression", which is another name/format of outline...
Already some snippets of scenes are appearing to me...and once I start visualizing the action, as if watching a mental tv show, the writing begins to flow.

Still, I have a lot of self-doubt and negativity to overcome. I can be a terrible procrastinator, an even worse self-critic, and a real fatalist (ie "why bother?!?" it'll never get published, it'll never get read" negative scripts)

Kind comments and encouragements most welcomed...always.

An Unusual, Unpopular Viewpoint

2008-09-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

I've gotta tell ya, this topic has irked me since I was in high school some 22 odd years ago, and never seems to go completely away.
My viewpoint is unusual, unpopular, and perhaps this post will stir up some anger in my direction.

Well, that's the chance I'm going to take, for a change.

I am appalled by all the unsolicited emails going around urging me to participate in plans which will keep "In God we Trust" on US currency.
First of all, HOW PRESUMPTIVE of you to assume that your God is my God. FYI, it is...I am a Christian...but NOT the kind of Christian who believes that the USA is the new Holy Land or that we have some kind of special favoritism from God.
Perhaps some of you remember "Love thy neighbor" being in The Bible?
Perhaps you remember that this country was founded on the basis of
FREEDOM OF RELIGION, not freedom to be a Christian.
What if your neighbor does not believe in your God?
What if he/she feels we should have "In Buddha we Trust" or "In Allah We Trust", or maybe, even better, something like "Namaste" on our currency?

I don't think God can be very happy with Americans. We have turned away from the teachings of Jesus in our efforts to be God-fearing Christians.
Religion and government should NEVER mix. Maybe we should only elect atheist presidents...
Okay, maybe not.
But, have we EVER had a non-Christian president?
Our country is supposed to be a melting pot, a place where all are equal and treated with respect and dignity.
Is it?
Do you have non-Christians among your friends, or even in your social circle?
Have you ever traveled outside the US and witnessed first hand how much even our closest European allies look down on us for our ways?
Stop being elitists and nationalists.
Start thinking about the future of the WORLD, not the future of your bank account, not protecting your tiny comfort zone which can't accept those who are different from you.

It is not our job as Americans, or even as humans, to try to convert the world to Christianity.
It IS our job, assigned by God (the same God you say you worship), to love and accept and work with our neighbors no matter who or how they worship.

Keep the church separate from the state, and learn to be citizens of the world.

rant over

stolen from Big Girl Blue...a "meme"

2008-09-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

Quite frankly I had never heard the term "meme" before other than as a French word meaning "self" (as in "moi meme", myself)

Apparently it is a template that you "steal" (or borrow, if you prefer) when you can't think of anything else to blog. Well heck, that happens to me all the time!

So....I kidnapped one for kicks.
Here it comes:

Oh Yeah the idea in this one is to only use ONE word to answer each question!
1. Where is your cell phone? bed

2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend? none

3. Your hair? dirty

4. Your mother? weird

5. Your father? absent

6. Your favourite item? Computer

7. Your dream last night? forgotten

8. Your favourite drink? tea

9. Your dream car? no

10. The room you are in? bedroom

11. Your ex? missed

12. Your fear? unwanted

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? settled

14. Who did you hang out with last night? self

15. What you're not? rich

16. The last thing you did? Squidoo

17. What are you wearing? nothing!

18. Your favourite book? LeStat

19. The last thing you ate? hamburger

20. Your life? empty

21. Your mood? stressed

22. Your friends? few

23. What are you thinking about right now? why

24. Your car? none

25. What are you doing at the moment? this

26. Your summer? dreadful

27. What is on your TV? nothing

28. When is the last time you laughed? today

29. Last time you cried? Today

30. School? History!

If you're into it, blog your own!

Well, that was interesting, but not sure it has moved me to any further writing...
Or whether that is even the purpose.
Ah well.
It's just one of those days

Pondering the Past

2008-09-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

Imagine strolling along the terraces of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, beneath swaying palm fronds and giant ferns... what did the land look like back then? I keep seeing different accounts... one source says the coastline extended inland as far as Uruk in those days and that the surrounding countryside was marshy, lush with reeds and trees. Another report says the Euphrates River course was different, flowing alongside the city walls, but that the land itself was still quite arid.

When we do not have all the facts...is it ok to choose the details which suit our needs better?

Now, if the Hanging Gardens of Babylon were actually in Nineveh, as suggested in a documentary I recently watched... and not for the wife of Nebuchadnezzar in Babylon, at all... who would have had access to them? Royal family only? Temple servants? Did they have "public works" in those days? Did peasants wander past and long to climb into the cool shade? What if one did? Who would she have found there? What would the punishment have been if she was caught?

pondering the past...

They Travel to exotic lands...

2008-09-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

Travel writers...they travel to exotic lands, they describe fascinating encounters with unique individuals most of us can only imagine.
And they use the power of words to make it real for the rest of us.
My current favorite travel writer is Michael Palin...yes, the same one you know from Monty Python! I am reading his "Sahara" book, at the moment...well, intermittently anyway, in between all the other stuff I'm working on.

A page which might be of interest: Travel Writers Showcase

And, in case you are interested, here is the book itself

Sahara

Wish I Published Work Like...

2008-09-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

We all have authors we love and admire. My favorites have changed over the years, but here are some of the books I have wished I could have written, or want to write like:

I like the Canadian author Barbara Hodgson, whose work is similar in style to the eclectic Nick Bantock of Griffin and Sabine fame.

The Griffin & Sabine Trilogy Boxed Set:
Griffin & Sabine/Sabine's Notebook/The Golden Mean

I love the mystical mysterious quality of both authors' styles and have started a collection of their manuscripts.

Then there's Frank Herbert, whose DUNE chronicles were among my fave books through my twenties.

And I still wish I had thought up the brilliant tales Anne Rice weaves linking history and the supernatural. This is my favorite example:

The Queen of the Damned
(Vampire Chronicles)

followed closely by

Blood and Gold
(Vampire Chronicles)

Who do YOU wish you wrote like, or what do you wish you had written?

history is fascinating

2008-09-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

I was able to begin visualizing a character and setting for my blossoming Mesopotamia story because last night I websearched my way to some really great resources. I loved THESE (click on the word!) so much I compiled my own site to reference them quickly.
History is fascinating, esp. when they are able to give you vivid reconstructions that help bring ancient times back to life.
Another great resource I've been referencing lately is:

Handbook to Life in Ancient Mesopotamia

So I scribbled some more descriptive sentences. I am beginning to know who my main character is... just beginning. She is a seeker, and she is reaching for something beyond ehr everyday life...much like myself.

Making slow progress

2008-09-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is library day and that is always a joy. I get to be surrounded by books...old, new, mysterious, informative BOOKS.
I love the smell of a good book.

Making slow progress regarding the actual process of writing. Managed a few short paragraphs of a descriptive exercise which feels like it has potential to evolve into a story...again, if I can find the character(s) and PLOT.
I am great at description. Can't we just have a"novel" describing what a character sees as she moves through the world and history?
lol

very very hot day...sometimes it gets so unbearable all you can do is lie around nekkid under a ceiling fan;
to make it worse my 1 housemate does not like to set the air condit. any lower than 80, then leaves 2 doors open for the cats to go in and out
UGH

if you don't follow me on twitter already you really should, I am quite entertaining...in my humble opinion
my user name is CrypticFragment

Digging for a story...

2008-09-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

I am digging. I am eager... I feel like I am on the verge of a break through. I have ideas...fleeting, nebulous.
I want to write about history and mystery. I want my stories to walk the streets of ancient Persepolis, or the souks of North Africa, or the forums of some crumbling Roman town on the edge of empire where exotic beasts and strange religions thrived. I want to bring life to ancient caravanserai swarming with merchants of silk and spice.

The settings are there. That is not the issue.

I can't get at the characters. I do not know whose stories these are. I do not know how to bring the dead of centuries past back to life.
How do you get inside the head of a temple priestess who lived in 6000 B.C.? What happened to her that people today would want to read about, and how could I make it believable when I can't even conceive of her world, what her existence might have been like?

Should I start closer to "home"? Experiment with less distant, less exotic aspects of history?
That idea does not appeal to me. I am not interested in recent history. My definition of "recent" is anything which has happened since, say, the 1700s.
Well, I am interested in Victorian era but that feels as foreign to me as Sumeria.
I don't know enough about the daily life of 1890s England or Ireland to feel like I could make it believable!

Or do I just write it as if their lives were no different? Must I throw caution to the wind and have inaccurate facts and imaginary details?

...off to web search info on the topic...

Nude Alien Kidnaps and Eats Cat!!!

2008-09-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

Just seeing if anyone's paying attention.

no new visitors and no comments

2008-09-11T12:34:00.001-07:00

My audience has left me. I guess my writing, or what I am posting about here, is not as captivating as I had hoped.
No new visitors in a few days and no one ever leaves comments like I see them leave on other blogs I love.
I am weird. I am different. I know I write about things most other people aren't interested in.
But with such a big blogosphere I was really hoping to find connection with others who DO have similar interests, or who ARE interested in my efforts and achievements.
Heck my own mother doesn't even read my blog! (of course my mom is never online which would explain WHY she doesn't read my blog! lol)

sigh

moping again... I am very good at being negative, it would seem.

I took an online creativity quiz and here is the result I got:
""What if?" creativity: You're creative, but not weird or creepy. Well, at least not usually. Odds are you have your moments of both, but on the whole you live a pretty normal life and see your forays into your imagination as either a hobby or a profession, but not a way of living."

So...what WOULD you like to read about in my future posts? Reader feedback is a valuable tool. Please tell me, what should a writer's blog be?

Howth, Ireland... A Source of Inspiration

2008-09-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

travel writing practice...

It's been a few years since my last trip to Ireland. Seven years, to be exact. So perhaps this is a sort of seven year itch...

While sitting around this afternoon in the sweltering central FL heat and humidity, my mind kept drifting back...perhaps prevoked by my cuppa (tea, that is)...to the cool sea breezes I remembered from my days walking the cliffs around Dublin.

Cliffs? Around Dublin? Why yes! Didn't you know? On both the north AND south sides of the city, located along the Irish Sea, are several awe-inspiring natural wonders. The one I was most called back to in my memory today was Howth.
(for a virtual tour, click here)

Ah, to be back there again, surrounded by the wild forces of nature. Spectacular views of the sea, waves crashing on crumbling cliffs, sea birds wheeling overhead, boats of all kinds in the harbor...
swept up in a dream of history...

Well, you get the idea.
Howth is spectacular and should not be missed, and this virtual tour will hopefully inspire you to go there in person yourself, one day!

Virtual Tour of Howth, Ireland

Article I wrote last night...

2008-09-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a link to the article I wrote last night about Howth, Ireland... in the Best Day Trips from Dublin category. Click on underlined to view article.

Trying to focus more time and energy to my writing at the moment even though my life feels like it is falling apart.

so what's new?

2008-09-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

I am still experiencing a down-swing in mood and energy level, it's not at all unusual for me and I am tryiing to just plow through it.

Typed the first 500 words of one of my older short stories. Several years ago it received some positive feedback from an avid reader, so I pulled it out of storage and started putting it into the computer (I wrote entirely longhand until about 2005).

Played around a wee bit more with the opening scene and setting/character notes for "SOG"

Making mental notes of ways to incorporate my passion for ancient history, cultures and such into my new works, whether fiction or non-fiction.

Pondering ideas for potential writers' and/or creativity workshops I'd like to host... feeling a little overwhelmed by the idea and wondering what qualifications I have that would be marketable in this way.

List time!

2008-09-05T12:31:00.001-07:00

Here is a list of some topics I would ultimately like to write, or write more, about:

History of Christianity
Christianity in Africa and the Near East
being a white woman in modern Arab Africa
volunteering in Morocco and/or Egypt
a personal search for meaning and connection

I need to research publishers. I need to research grant resources.

I need to set a schedule and stick to it.

Plugging Away...

2008-09-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

It has been a difficult few days for me, an internal struggle trying to figure out the issues preceding my return to college (but that's my OTHER blog...) as well as near-desperate job-seeking and just plain feeling small, worthless and hopeless.

I have not been entirely idle. I have been publishing articles on Helium writers' network. For my profile and list of articles, click here.
I added 2 pieces on ancient history, an article regarding Christianity in Arab countries, a personal experience/info title on Hiking in Grand Canyon and a short story originally written in the early 90s.

I have resolved the new setting for "SOG" but have not made much progress yet fleshing out a new opening scene. Perhaps some more visual research on the region will help me get inspired and focused.

I've been toying around with the idea of creating and hosting a Woman Writers' Creativity Workshop. It would have to be a once a week event due to my current transportation and financial situation.

Perhaps there is too much on my plate. I am trying to renew my writing career, resume college after 22 years, find a job or 2 part-time jobs (and running out of places to apply), and figure out where I'm going to move by the end of October and how to afford that.
On top of that, my inner self is just screaming that I need to be in Morocco or Egypt.
What's a girl to do?
It's all a bit over~whelming.
This is certainly NOT the life I envisioned when I made the decision to return to Orlando.

Maybe a wee bit more daily structure will be helpful. In bed by 2:30am. and up by 10. That would allow me to get more "work" done.
Also, I need to just take a few dollars for a daily bus pass and FINALLY (after years of putting this off) just ride the darn thing around for a few hours to see where the local routes go, these days.

Self assignments:
1) publish 1 article on Helium before midnight tonight
2) write at least 500 words of descriptive passage on the new setting for "SOG"
3) Saturday morning get up and take the bus...going anywhere!

Not much news...

2008-09-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Bogged down in the nasty realities of the real world mentally and emotionally, today, so making a true effort at creative writing was not not on the agenda.
Even the all-too-brief bookstore cafe run was not a good experience.
I am tired. I have not been sleeping well, my eating habits have deteriorated since returning from WY, and my days are filled with nothing more than web surfing and seeking affection from any of the seven cats in this household.

I am trying not to be negative. Ideas are floating around in my head... I scribbled a few lines towards a possible new opening section for SOG. I am getting a better feel for what's going on in it, now, in this new version.
I worry too much about settings. I am worried about having my characters walk down a street which does not REALLY exist. Well, so what? It's FICTION. Why am I so stuck on details?

Assignment to self... Write at least 250 words featuring the characters in SOG, even if it's not something to be used in the manuscript...

In other news:
I posted two new articles on my Helium page today. It has been ages since I was active there. When I first started I was extremely disappointed in the quality of work on the site. It looks to have improved somewhat, and is good practice, and may even eventually earn me a few dollars!
Here are links to the articles:
History of Christian Denominations- Arab Christians
and
History of the World's First Peoples-Sumerians
Please drop by and visit and rate them.

Eureka! I found it! Let the Re-write Begin!

2008-09-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

I was very excited earlier this evening to finally, after digging through 5 crates in the hot sticky garage, find my stash of fiction notes and manuscripts. A variety of short stories in various stages of creation and editing plus three manuscripts which were (are?) to be "full length" novels...or, at least, novellas...somewhere in the 35,000-55,000 word range.

The discovery was both exciting and daunting. I put them away in those crates at the end of April. The last time I actually worked on any of them was roughly three years ago.
Now comes the hard part.
Getting the finished ones ready for submission (or just identifying markets and sending them out; they have each had personal rejections in the past).
Playing with ideas and improvements on others.
Above all, doing an almost total re-write of my favorite, the story which has rolled around my head in various forms off and on since I ceased working on it.

It is this story, which I shall refer to as "SOG" (an acronym for the words in its title), has great potential.
My first step at resurrecting it will be making a complete "scene progression" list, listing all the changes I'll make to the new version.
I am keeping the two main characters but making minor changes to their personalities, and changing at least one other character. I am changing the opening scene and the reason why the people are where they are when they come together. I am still contemplating whether to keep the original setting and having the later stages of the book move into new geographic territory.

Well, having said all that, it is time to quit rambling for today and log off and get to work on the actual project!

Are You P-O-D Person?

2008-09-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am curious to hear from other writers concerning their feelings about using print-on-demand/self-publishing companies to print and distribute your work.

Have you ever used one?
Which one?
How much did it cost?
How many copies did you sell?
Who distributed it?

And anything else you might like to add...

Descriptive Exercises Results

2008-08-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

(photo courtesy of Wikipedia Commons)

From a distance, the approaching tourist gazes on low mountains and more greenery than one might expect, if they aren't familiar with Morocco's varied climate. The town, viewed from the highway, appears white-washed, homogeneous. Once within its borders, however, an almost mystical world unfolds.
The streets are cobbled with natural stone, well-rounded by time and travelers' footsteps. Moorish arches on cafe fronts vie with colorful tile mosaics to draw in business. Shopfronts overflow with pottery and handwoven textiles. The smell of fresh bread baking and exotic spice lingers in the air.
There is a smoothness to the walls, as though a thousand hands had, over the centuries, lovingly rubbed them while walking the narrow streets, repainting their traditional colors. The street itself is shadowed by these walls, tall buildings leaning in protectively as if to shelter the inhabitants. Even in broad daylight, there is a coolness to the town, its various shades of blue paint surely a deliberate response to the harsh local climate.
Chefchaouen. About forty-five miles inland from the northern tip of Morocco. Founded in 1471. The area is notorious for its cannabis production, and locals hashish amongst themselves.
Due to its proximity to Spain, tourism in the town is on the rise.

Constructive criticism is welcome. Compliments also!

List Time

2008-08-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

I love lists. I have made lists of titles, topics, foods, places I want to live, places I want to visit, jobs I've had...and so forth.

Today's list?

Places I Want to Write About!
(in no particular order) (and to be added to over time)
*ancient Mesopotamia
*Anglo-Saxon Britain
*Roman ruins of Provence
*coastal Ireland
*Florida
*Edinburgh
*Morocco
*Roman ruins in Africa
*Andalusia
*Bretagne
*Lincoln, England

Goal/"self-challenge" for today... pick one photo, either my own or from web, and write at least one full paragraph describing the scene

I will post the results and either the image or a link to it for anyone interested.

What I'm Working On...

2008-08-31T10:25:00.000-07:00

Besides melodramatic essays like the previous entry, I am working on a number of other projects, at least on some level of thought if not yet in "ink".

Have I mentioned my recently published online poetry anthology? You can find it at CrypticFragments Poetry.

I have a story in mind which will feature an old favorite character. I am still pondering where the setting will be and how the two main characters will meet.

I am preparing to list all the subjects I know and could be writing about. Need to do this on REAL paper so it's physically in front of me for quick easy reference.

Lessons I Need to Re-learn:
* it's okay to write without a goal... good practice!
*it's okay to write "shitty" first drafts
*nothing is wasted
*if you don't send it out, it has NO chance of being accepted; rejection is better than not being read, right?
*you have to start somewhere; contests and non-paying markets can be useful as springboards for future paid publication

I have resumed reading. For years it has been very hard for me to plow through manuscripts that I don't find interesting.
Therefore I have resumed a quest for interesting captivating reading materials! (feel free to recommend your favorite links and books!)

Three Years Ago Tonight...essay/reflection exercise

2008-08-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

Three years ago tonight, I was sitting on a thread-bare sofa in the living room of my run down beach apartment, watching the end of the world. Hurricane Katrina had, as I'd been projecting for days, being an avid storm-watcher and prophet of doom, recently wiped New Orleans off the map. At least temporarily.
Now, 1096 days later, the levees having all been rebuilt and the story of that day out of "recent memory", I am sitting in central Florida listening to rain from Gustav's outer bands splattering on our sunlights, waiting to see what happens next.
It is 1:32a.m. Eastern. At this hour, Hurricane Gustav is a Category 4 storm churning just north of western Cuba. No reports of damage there, yet. No videos of devastation and destruction. Instead, television news and weather channels are focusing on the latest watches and warnings and the progress of evacuations out of New Orleans.
Human interest stories. Interviews with people who have barely gotten back on their feet after Katrina. Images of families evacuating with babies and pets in tow. Behind the blonde female reporter, people are walking around the french Quarter's streets.
Mandatory evacuations are in place for all non-residents of the region. As of 4am Sunday, tomorrow, all major highways in the state will be turned into one way out emergency routes.
Residents are being urged to leave early rather than wait until the order is handed down.
I cannot even imagine the magnitude of a Cat 4. The worst of the four hurricanes I lived through was barely a Cat 2 when it hit where I lived. Still, power lines and signs came down, trees were uprooted, minor flooding occurred. Power was out anywhere from 7 to 21 days depending on which side of town you lived on. No electric meant no sewage pumps. No potable water meant no showers or drinking from the tap. We had to walk nearly a mile and wait in line for the only working phone around to let our loved ones know we were safe.
Now my eyes, my attention, are riveted to reports from the projected disaster zone. What will it be like this time? Will the eye pass east? west? or hit the city? Will the levees break? Will it be flooding or wind damage which wreaks the most havoc this time?
I feel a bit ashamed of my morbid curiosity, but what else can you do before the event actually happens other than ponder the scope of damage? Especially with images of Katrina's devastation resurfacing from memory.
The 2a.m. numbers are out. The storm has weakened very slightly during its passage over Cuba. Tomorrow at this time, I will be sitting in air-conditioned comfort watching a new horror story unfolding somewhere along the Gulf Coast.
What else can I do?

So Where Should We Go Today?

2008-08-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

Bounced around briefly looking at lists of writing blogs and writers' blogs and was not terribly impressed by the early stages of this search for other inspiring writers out there in the blogosphere. Oh yes, I am sure they are there, and I am sure I will find them eventually.

Actually perhaps it's because I am not truly awake, having been jolted from bed after roughly 6 hours rest by the roommates. Sigh. The joy of living with others. I love them and I am grateful but as an adult it is difficult to share space with other adults whose lifestyle and work hours are so different from my own.

Should I have tea, or go back to bed?

More ideas... contemplating how I can incorporate all my many travels into my writing. I have lived now in five states and two foreign countries, plus traveled in a third. Surely I can revisit these settings and craft something compelling.
Where should we go today? Dublin? Donegal? The English Midlands? A stone village on a hillside in Provence? These are just a few of the places which have called my name over the years.
Perhaps I'll come back later to this post and edit it to include a writing exercise in description using one of the locations above...

Stymied by Ideas (a rambling "exercise")

2008-08-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

I have always had a love hate relationship with writing. There never seems to be any real balance.
Either I am stuck with nothing to say, or else I have so many ideas I can't decide where to begin!
That's where I've been the past few days...stymied by ideas.
Nebulous ideas, to be sure.
"Cryptic fragments" (my eternally recurring theme).

Writing practice has been my nemesis. It is hard for me to commit to writing when I have nothing to say, regardless of all the things I read to the contrary from other authors.
Well, perhaps this explains why I am not in print on a regular basis.
I am inconsistent, like the moon.

Last night I lay on the big bed under the ceiling fan and asked for guidance. Something interesting happened. A vision of one of my old obsessions...an old favorite character, a setting I've previously visited, a style I've always loved...came clearly into my head.
Yes, I want to write about him, about that place.
But I haven't started, because I do not know where I want it to go. It's like getting in a car and heading out down the road with no destination in mind. Gas is way too expensive for that!
Still, the seed is there, and with luck and love and permission, eventually it will germinate. Something will grow.

What can I do today that will inspire me? I am hungry for new words, new worlds. It has been far too long since I have been in love with another writer's words.
Nothing has held my attention. Either the style is awkward or the subject uninteresting.
So I set off this morning to explore the realm of writing on the web.
Lead me to passion and intrigue!

An Intercession of Saints

2008-08-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

I took this photo near downtown Albuquerque, New Mexico during autumn of 2006. The painting is not on a church or even a public building. It is on a house. The home owners have covered their unusual dwelling with Eastern Orthodox symbols and murals which I found really quite moving.
I haven't got any writing to accompany it, yet. But at this moment I wanted to share it and see if it moved anyone else.

CrypticFragments Online Poetry Chapbook

2008-08-29T22:27:00.001-07:00

Although it has been a number of years since I wrote poetry, at one point it was my most prolific writing format.
For those who may be interested in seeing how I have evolved as a writer, I have created an online poetry chapbook called CrypticFragmentsPoetry

Keep in mind that the most recent of the pieces included there was written around 1992!

Expect to See...

2008-08-28T17:46:00.001-07:00

In this blog you can expect to see:

creative nonfiction/essays, occasional prose fiction, perhaps a poem... possibly photography I've found inspirational. Other entries may explore the act of writing, my daily struggles at sticking to writing practice, or lists of ideas.

Also:
silliness
flashes of brilliance
allusions to past works lying dormant in misplaced notebooks
mention of favorite authors
subjects I've always longed to explore more deeply
the stuff of life which moves me

Chrysalis Emerging- A Writers' ReAwakening

2008-08-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome. You are invited to watch as my writer within, which has lain (mostly) dormant for several years, reemerges from her cocoon.

A brief history...
When I was "young", from about fourth grade through high school, and then intermittently through my twenties and (steadily less) thirties, I loved writing. I devoured words from other authors and passionately poured out my own. I was sure I was destined for greatness.
Notebooks filled with short stories and novellas piled up. I submitted to literary magazines and collected hand-written rejection notices filled with "We love your style but this one isn't quite right, please send more." There never WAS more just then.
I printed out my collections of angst-driven poetry, the largest being titled "CrypticFragments" (a name I still use for many of my creative projects) and briefly published a poetry journal called "Inverted Ostrich Newsletter" which was listed in Poet's Market and received submissions from all over the country. Sadly, I was totally unprepared for the effort required and most of the submissions were never even opened.
My poem "Yokobue...Tribute to a Dream" received $4 to appear in the now-defunct Japanophile litmag. Others appeared in Free Focus/Ostentatious Mind (which also appears to have gone by the wayside) and another small poetry mag whose name I no longer even recall (I have a selective short term memory and this event was some 15 odd years ago).
During my twenties until my mid-thirties, my output was mainly novella-length manuscripts featuring elements of the supernatural (inspired by Anne Rice), historical and Gothic romance.
Gradually I moved towards a more contemporary style, but always featuring a love story and a travel theme.
Until, in the autumn of 2005, I put down my pen altogether.

To be honest, I never quit jotting ideas for stories or character sketches or possible opening scenes. I simply quit pursuing them. The passion had gone out of it. I no longer felt like I had anything to say, and I was discouraged by my lack of progress as far as getting into print.

My focus turned to visual arts...photography, mixed media and collage, polymer clay and air-dry clay figurines, then to jewelry design. Instant gratification.
I have a sneaking suspicion that another major factor in the rest of my pen was my frequent rapid cross-country relocation. It's tiresome dragging a box full of paper and writing books between cities and states every six months or so.
Then, in 2007, a counselor suggested that perhaps I just no longer needed to write, that maybe writing had been an emotional outlet which was no longer necessary.

I have made one or two false re-starts. In 2006 I joined Helium, an online writing community where I re-published my poetry as well as explored the world of travel writing (or at least profiling place) and attended a few meetings of the Orlando Writers' Group.
But again, it was short lived. For some reason, at the time I was unable to commit to daily writing practice, unable to be serious about my work or the business of writing in general.

But suddenly, within a few weeks of my fortieth birthday, the need to chronicle seized me once again. I started a writers' support group on a "Creative Dream Team" forum, began doing morning pages (confession: not a daily practice), and started jotting notes. This time, however, I am more compelled to explore and record my own life and my passage through this world as memoir and creative nonfiction. Once again I feel passionate and filled with possibilities about writing and being a writer.

So, that is my introduction. I am putting this "out there" in the hopes that my wordswill reach others, draw feedback, and help me stay focused. Kind constructive criticism is welcome... also most definitely words of support and encouragement by others on a similar journey.

I hope the words you find here will inspire and move you in some way.